Apparently the world is due to end tomorrow. No, sorry, tomorrow is Judgement Day, and the world will end five months later. After tomorrow, only the wicked will be left on the Earth, the righteous having been sucked up into heaven by the Celestial Hoover WindTunnel. Harold Camping figured this out, I assume after somber consultation with a wine-stained copy of the Bible and a plate of cheese fries. I feel like I've lived a pretty good life, but Doctor (sorry, no - I've just been told he is not a doctor) Camping's approximation that only 3,000,000 people will be saved does make me a bit uncomfortable. That's like four percent of the Earth's population. I've met loads of people who are more righteous than me, and that's only the people I've met! I suppose all I can do is maintain a positive attitude. Unless I could find a way to help the preachers of impending judgement hone their message to be a more effective warning voice - that ought to earn me some extra points, right?
So, with that motivation, I present to you a vital, albeit small, revision I have made to the "May 21 Doomsday" page of the site judgementday2011.com. This paragraph is warning Los Angelites that their city is due for a monster earthquake, and warning the rest of the world of the disasters that earthquake will instigate:
An earthquake in Los Angeles could triggers tsunami’s, drastically affect our communications, and spiral the entire country into an Economic Apocalypse. This, or other natural disasters, combined with radiation poisoning from Nuclear fallout will let us know that Judgement Day will be May 21 2011.
The instant I read it, I saw what crucial omissions these prophets had inadvertently made. So I sent a quick email to them, with my corrections redlined so they would know what changes they needed to make:
An earthquake in Los Angeles could triggers tsunami’s nut allergies, drastically affect our communications, and spiral the entire country into an Economic Apocalypse™. This, or other natural disasters, combined with radiation poisoning from Nuclear® fallout will let us know that Judgement Day will be May 21 2011.
I anticipate that an email expressing the thanks of Harold Camping and his disciples, and ensuring me of special treatment during tomorrow's fireworks, will arrive soon. I just hope it gets here before midnight. I wonder what time zone the doomsday schedule is based on?
