OMG?!

OMG. It means "Oh my gosh", as you are likely aware. But isn't it getting a little stale? Isn't it SO two thousand-ten? Aren't we ready for a fresh acronym to express our delight, surprise, shock and even indignation? And so, in this moment of dire need, here am I with the answer. I just thought of it a moment ago, and it only took me three minutes to polish it for presentation to a waiting world. The new interjection acronym is "OBGYN".

OBGYN! Try it! Let it roll off your tongue with the attitude of a fourteen year-old who has just experienced her first twinge of jealous, hormonal anger! It stands for "Oh boy... Golly! Yikes! NO!" I think it's going to catch on. It's more fun than OMG because it has more letters. And the more letters you have in the acronym you spout forth as your best friend (BFF) tells you how hard he laughed (ROFL, or LMAO) when the middle school janitor accidentally tripped the science teacher with a mop bucket (ATWAMB), the more amplified your reaction will seem. "OBGYN, did you see her skirt?!" We're well on our way to a brighter tomorrow.

All aboard! part 2

Why is it that so many religious and political extremists in the Middle East and elsewhere want to blow Americans up, or chop their heads off with swords? I'm sure the answer is very nuanced and complicated. But I can't help but look at this ad and think that the face he is making is probably not helping the situation.

All aboard!

America! All aboard!

Japan! All aboard!

Who wants to go on a cruise with Glenn Beck? It promises to be liberty at sea! Nobody? Really? Now who wants to be crammed into a Tokyo metro car with about 400 other people by some uniformed metro butlers? No one? Well, what if I told you that you had to choose between the Japanese metro and the Glenn Beck boat? Aha, I knew we'd have more metro takers.

Wells Fargo Bank - January 4, 2012 - 12:45 pm

Here is a list of the people I observed while standing in line at the bank today, simplified to an expression of each one's most striking physical characteristics:

- Old Mickey Rooney

- Hotel concierge in a grey tuxedo vest

- 20 year-old country music starlet stuck in a 70 year-old woman's body

- Catwoman eye makeup girl

- 40 year-old son of Italian mob boss whose father never expected much of him (wearing Ed Hardy t-shirt)

- Crazy-hair lady with cargo-pocket capris and a broken foot

- Latino Elvis Presley (Bank Manager)

- Jersey Shore guys with chinstrap beards

And me. Put us all together, and you basically have a Halloween party.

Jesus Christ is Lord.

And this girl is Melanee, or Tara.

I think it's good that the creator of this ad didn't try to reconcile the assertion of Christ's divinity with the presence of the image depicting a bleach-blond young conservative wearing a gaudy cross, because any attempt would almost certainly fall short, and weaken the ad's ability to produce a mindless, knee-jerk reaction.