Feel better about yourself NOW!

No matter who you are, one thing is almost for certain: there just aren't enough hours in a day. There's not enough quality time with loved ones, not enough focus to finish every project, not enough willpower to eat right. So how do you stretch the dollar that is you to cover everything? How do you achieve the impossible? How do you get to a point where the predominant feeling as your head hits the pillow is one of accomplishment and satisfaction? Let me now share with you just two of many tricks that I've come up with to transform yourself from a dreamer into a doer:

Trick #1: Eating Healthy

You know what you are supposed to eat. Fruit, vegetables, easy on the meat, very little sugar, blah blah blah. You know when you grab that doughnut that it means you'll have to go to the gym later. You know that instead of going to the gym you'll go home and eat ice cream. You know that tomorrow morning you'll top it all of by eating not one but a pair of Pop Tarts for breakfast. And you feel bad about all this. But it's inevitably going to happen. Unless you are one of those strong few who force themselves to take ACTION! What "take action" means here is you get on a strict regimen of healthful eating that includes, among other things, a system that assigns different point values to food items depending on how healthy or unhealthy they are. This is a neat system. However, I will not delve into its intricacies because I am going to plug my rival system instead! It is called CAUTIOUS CARL'S I AM SKINNY PROGRAM, and it has revolutionized the way I (feel about the way I) eat.

CAUTIOUS CARL'S I AM SKINNY PROGRAM or CCIASP works with points just like that other one that makes you feel so bad for not doing it. But CCIASP will not make you feel bad! CCIASP is your baby, CCIASP is you! You are allotted a certain number of points per day. These points can be adjusted at the beginning of each day depending on whether you feel like adjusting them. You must work within your allotted amount of points; no going over! When you are faced with a food item, you must determine how many points it is going to cost you if you eat it. This is done by carefully scrutinizing the food item and then assigning to it the number of points you feel it is worth. It's that simple! Here is an illustrated example:


So if you want to drink 3 liters of Black Cherry Shasta, just make sure that the contents of that bottle are worth fewer points than you have left in the day. And judging by this diagram, you're having the Shasta for breakfast, so you should still have plenty of points to work with. It's really quite simple! And in case you accidentally go over on your points for a day (which realistically will almost never happen, because you are in control!) then you can just borrow a couple of points from the next day's point allotment! Piece of cake! Which, by the way, you should never have to feel bad about eating again!

Trick #2: Staying Well-Read

It's hard to read. Not the mechanics of it, you should be able to actually read words, otherwise you would be having quite a time figuring out what all of this is. But to find the uninterrupted large chunks of time that will allow you to get any meaningful reading done can be difficult. We have a lot going on around us all of the time, and the absence of an "on/off" switch on a book certainly doesn't make it seem any more appealing! So when I am worrying about not having read enough, I use a simple trick to put myself at ease. Whatever activity I am engaged in, I finish the activity by uttering these words: "That was a good read." So if I'm watching a movie, as the end credits begin to roll, I stand up, stretch, and say "Well, that was a good read!" If I've just finished playing a video game, as I'm powering down the console, "That was a really fine read." Then I tell the next person I bump into that I've just finished a nice book. Just pop that little fact right into the conversation!

So, if you had been watching videos of cats falling out of windows and attacking babies and making weird sounds on YouTube*, you would wrap it up by saying, "That was a good read," and then tell the next person about the book you'd just finished. You can easily dress up the content of your activity to make it seem like the content of a book, too. For example, with the cat videos you could tell someone that it was a novel adaptation of the broadway play Cats (which is itself loosely based on an actual book). If the person asked you who the author was, you would simply tell them you'd get back to them and then excuse yourself. There's nothing to it! You can be finishing three books per day in no time!

I sincerely hope that these tips have helped. I know that they've done wonderful things for me. Thank you for your time. And remember, if you were meant to have a perfectly trim, healthy body and a near-perfect reading comprehension level, you would have been born on Krypton!




* here are those videos, to help get you started on your reading for the day:





Not a bad read. Not a bad read at all.